~aasignment submission..mission completed~

extreme relievance as i just handed in two assignments today... ARA (short for accounting reports and analysis) and IME (short for Introductory microeconomics).. was so tensed up because of these two things.... ARA i have to use quickbooks program to do all the transactions.. then IME have to like use all those cost, competition crap thingy and answer the question.. and there's part B..where we have to like post our own question and answer it using as many as economics concepts that we have................. didn't slep well these few days.. BUT..................IT'S OVER NOW!!!!!!!!!everybody's like slept early yesterday after submitting the two assignments (did i mention that both were due on the same day??) and monday was my japanese listening test.. damn.. it was hard.. especially part C where they talked about a town and we have to figure out how many temples, schools, supermarket and stuff.... i was like.. oh well. didn;t hear anything just bantai put any numbers.. 10cent! hahaha!! and and and.. when my sufferingness was about to end.... in maths class.... paul was like.. ok.. let's take a break. i have an announcement to make.. and guess what he said, "ok..assignment 4 is up on the LMS site today!! (wtf?? another assignmnet???) gah!!! then the exam timetable is up.. have two papers on the 16th: maths and japanese. shit! kena study sampai mati.. ok ok..enuf of all this merepeking about life in uni tingy.. have assignment to do.. and tutorial question to attempt.. later la i update lagi..

jya~

~no wonder~

no wonder la my housemates was acting all weird.. rupanya there is a surprise birthday party for me rupanya.okla. i dh salah fhm.. sorry guys.. but anyways, thanks a lot you guys!! especially to anith, athirah and farrah. love you all!!! the rest also!! my day wasn't that bad afterall. tu la.. jump into conclusion so fast for what? ish!!~~ nvm.. will never repeat that again.. change myself for a batter person now..

~counter depression~

yesterday was very moody. one of the reasons was that i was tired came back home edi maghrib. then kinda kena tinggi suara but i didn;t do any fucking thing. haaiihhzzz... i no mood edi... was childish of me but oh well, its just on the blog. i din like go to everyone and tell that.. whoever wants to read, read la.. anyway, maybe i was a little upset when my housemate ask me to like go buy house stuff tomorrow. i dowan to go actually cuz i was planning to go to anime club but they dun und.... i mean, i want to do things i like tomorrow.. just tomorrow.. but nvm la.. tolerate je la. i didnt tell them i didnt want to go anyway.. so basically, i simpan je la. you know la.. if i tell then not fair la cz it's my responsibility as well. anyhow, i;m gonna expect my day to suck like hell tomorrow so im not gonna care what happens tomorrow. i will go home VERY VERY VERY late like.. go and ask another fren to have dinner with me outside or someting.. see la how.. cz i want to mrajuk.. its my problem la. whatever u wanna say, you say. i xsuruh you care pun.. ok.. im being mean to everyone.. i'm emo.. but i just wanna let out of the hidden things that i am unable to tell people.. i just can write here. whats the use of the blog anyway right?

~autumn depression~

although it's autumn now but the temperature here is like below 10 degrees. totally feels like winter. and the best story is yet to be told. i bought a new bike for AD 100. it's 2nd hand anyway. however, that is VERY cheap!!as compared to the ones sold in the bike stores. anyway, i bike to uni. if i walk to uni that will take like 45 minutes. so if i bike the time consumed is less. can take like 20 minutes lidat.. refuse to take trams anyway cuz it's costly and i'm planning to save money to go to japan. anyhow, you have no idea how does it feel to bike in this kind of weather. have to wear glove or else you don;t feel you hand anymore. back to the story.. was riding bike to uni and eventually, i was sweating all over. but but~~~~~ my face kan kena angin dia. so like it still felt very cold. when i arrived at uni, i totally felt that my brain edi froze and i was walking like a drunk person. hahaha! really cold!~ hahaha~ better start wearing winter clothes edi.. the sweater alone is not enuf.. ok.. now the weather seems to make everyone depressed. seriously. there was this one time where i came home and started crying really hard without any reason. felt sad only. and my appetite is even bigger now. one plate of rice is like eating sweets only. need more than that. cuz its cold. now..im so so totally sad. like yea... weather is like one thing la. and then i think like everyone here is like don't bother about my on-coming birthday. it's kinda a big thing for me. truthfully. i dowan to hide. but i dowan to force people to act to care. i dowan presents as well. i just want to enjoy my birthday. everthing that happens throughout this week made me feel that this will be the worst birthday ever. and the best thing about this birthday is that i will meet the number 2 in my age as in i'm no more belasan tahun.. should act more mature but i just can't. no one understands this and i just won't tell.my family is not even here!!! again!!1 like last year.. shitty birthday!!!shitty shitty birthday!!! i dowan to look forward for my 20th birthday!! i dowan to care!! i'll just let it pass like any other normal days.. hate this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for those who are reading this, do not ever try to cheer me up by doing special things for my birthday or else I WILL HATE YOU!!! THIS IS TRUE!! FUCKING ON-COMING 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!I SHOULD NOT EXIST AND DIE ALONE!!!

a while ago. my housemate was in a bad mood. she sounded as if she wanted to scold me. cz her tone was like really high and angry. basically she was angry with the internet. true. the internet here kinda suck but i'm just cool. but i dunno la. actually im a person who is SUPER SENSITIVE and i hate that. so i'm sorta kinda keep the feeling of wanting a revenge but i just dun reach the limit to go bOOM!! yet~ i know i should let it go but i can;t tahan people scolding me.. will make me feel like crying. hell ya! i'm a hell lot of a cry baby!! so what?!!!! i hope this feeling of anger will stop soon and i will not blow up anytime...


I WANNA DIE!! I WANNA DIE!! I WANNA DIE!!!!! WAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


AND DO NOT SMS ME OR CALL ME EVER AFTER READING THIS POST!!!!

~whatever u want to say~

everybody wants to know whats exactly is happening with my life right? if you don't then don't read. no one is forcing you to read anyway.. here's the real thing.. my life is FULL OF STRESSS!!!!!! why? uni of course! why? i find it difficult for me to cope with my studies here! i may be good back in malaysia but here, i'm like the worst student the uni could ever have!!! and i don't think i can pass maths!! and that was supposed to be my best and favourite subject. ok... you may say i'm just complaining without doing anything.. that's not true.. i did a lot of excercises and i did go for consultation.. however, the consultation didn't really help me because, instead of guiding me propoerly of how to solve the problem, they just gave me a little hint. they want to think. but how am i suppose to think without examples? maths is about application and not just theory. i love maths. i really do.. however, i really need someone to guide me!!! and oh yeah, the maths i'm taking is accelerated maths so i guess you can imagine the speed of the subject. and oh yeah, it consist of the combination of calculus and linear algebra. paul is a good mathemathician. but when it comes to his explaination, i get blur. cuz he sometimes got too excited and tends to tell all the complicated things that confuses me.. penny is a good mathematician too but i just can't get her explaination. maybe she doesn't know that i'm the type who needs more explaination more than anyone else. idk.. so now, my one and only teacher is the text book and it takes forever for me to und that. you know, maths has a lot of symbols and stuff. right now, i'm trying my best to understand subspaces. whoever volunteers to teach me that, please do so.

and i'm very depressed with my assignment marks for ARA aka accounting. its 17/62. like wth. and now can you see why i study 24/7????? some people just don't understand. i'm all alone here and trying hard to study but some people think i'm lying when i said i want to go to the library on sundays. THAT WAS TRUE!! confirmation? can ask my housemates... and my friends and my seniors!! whatevr u wanna say! my bill has edi exceeded again and i have to pay i think extra AD100 again for this month. yay!!! tepuk tangan!!!!!!!! gembiranya hati!!!!!!!

~for you~

like yea.. haven't been blogging for a long time. my house still dun have internet. usually have to go uni to use internet to download lecture notes and stuff.. but anyhow, im having a lot of things to do now ESPECIALLY assignments. i have like three assignments to submit now. maths, accounting and microecons.. all the heavy subjects. anyway, i just finish my japanese speaking test and will be having wirting test soon...

and.. now..i really feel like i would love to be only friends with everyone. no more or no less than friends.. with anyone...ever.. i have my own goals to achieve and i don't think that i have time to ever think about this lovey dowey thingy anymore. i'm becoming more mature each day and i just don't think i would want myself to be involved in any commitments. and to those who ever like me...i'm sorry to break ur hearts. i don't have any feelings to u.... it's not that i found myself someone to like here.. but i just feel very suffocated when it comes to this liking others more than a friend. anyway, thanks a lot for supporting me and liking me for who i am. but i just want to be clear that i won't return that kind of feeling to you.. even if i might gave a response once before. call me selfish. i;m sorry.......

everything seems so hard and i'm all alone here. suffering from studies.. a lot and all i want now is to succeed in my studies. my one and only target here. however,i will appreciate all my friends and will keep the friendship but not anything that is more than friends. yup.. i;m a hell of a complicated person.. yup yup.. anyway, i have many things to do now.. want to study and not think about this anymore. really sorry to those who are involved.. but we will still be friends.. ok?

sorry for being a chicken for not telling this directly to you.. my hp apparently have exceeded the bill.. and i couln't find the nicest way to tell this to you.. sorry...

whatever u want to call me.. im just not interested in dating stuffs anymore.. ever~~~

~Japanese 1A~

so everyone knows i'm taking japanese as my breadth subject.. first lecture? it was a hell of a big class.. 520+ students in that lecture.. had to rush to japanese lecture after maths lecture in order to get a seat there.. (-_-"). the lecturer is so darn cute!! her name is toda etsuko. she really reminds me of my previous specialist maths teacher: miss lucia. hahaha! anyway, the tute part is more interesting than lecture cuz there's interection between teacher and stdents. so, on wednesday, i attended my first tute. to my dissapointment, my tutor is a chinese. the name's sit mei ling. so.. i was like...doushite??!!!! me want a japanese!! *throws tantrum* anyway, her class was fun though. we learn the basic things like how to read hiragana and how to greet people in japanese. so, everyone was like, "hajimemashite! (namae) desu! doozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu!!!" over and over again. hahaha! anyway, then after we learn hiragana, sensei asked us to play bingo game using the hiragana letters. then whomever who got a bingo had to raise his/her hand and say "BANZAI!!".. and soooo, it so happens that aki got a bingo first. sit-sensei couldn't belive her eyes and went to check on aki's bingo-ness. however...... i got one letter wrong. so i was like, "shit!" (dalam hati) hahha! then i heard my classmates whispering "hey, she got it wrong!! hahahaha!!" hahaha! funny~~ then tried again. and it so happen that the person who was sitting beside me, masthalia aka my friend got a bingo!! yay!! and she was rewarded by sit-sensei! she got an origami bird!! then i tried harder.. and to my luck. i got bingo again, this time, i was so bloody sure that i got everything right!! and sensei was like"oh yeah, you got it right this time!!" then i heard people whispering "whoa! she got it right this time!!" LOL.. got a small origami from her then..consulation prize merr... hahaha... fun fun!! then second day nothing much. learnt almost the same thing and got another tutor for the 2nd one on thurs. his name is nakajima yoshi. (a japanese!! yay!!) lol.. want to hear the funny part? that night..i realized that i went to the wrong tute!!!!! same time. same building..but wrong room!!!! i was supposed to go to room 603 but i went to room 606.. wth!!! aihz..no wonder my name wasn;t in the list!! aihzzz~~ hahaha!! funny funny!! ok.. tomorrow i have another japanese tute. so, wish me luck and i tak salah kelas.. hahahha!!! jya ne! :)